Copyright 2008, Measure Up Place LLC
Mother-In-Law: From Adverse to Advice
If you are struggling with an overbearing mother-in-law or just looking to acknowledge the mother-in-law you that is so dear to your heart— here is a reading list that can serve information for those who are looking to make amends with their mother-inlaw, give a gift in hopes that their mother-in-law will take a hint, or even for a mother-in-law who is looking to avoid becoming “one of those.”
The Daughter-In-Law Rules: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Make Friends with) Your Mother-In-Law
Sally Shields
Do you dread visits with your mother-in-law? Do you find yourself dodging ruthless comments hurled your way at every possible moment? Is battling your mother-in-law a simple fact of life, or is there another way to mitigate the age old conflict between mother and wife? In her hilarious book, author Sally Shields takes honesty, wit, and simple solutions, mixes in humor and practical solutions, and delivers what could be the daughter-in-law’s holy grail.
Deborah M. Merrill
Merrill uses her background as a Sociology professor and her extensive studies on the MIL-DIL relationship to explain the complex and difficult situation the two find themselves in. Dozens of interviews with pairs of women made in-laws by marriage illustrate Merrill’s points, from harmful ideas and actions to helpful approaches. Merrill provides a more intensely researched and academic study study of the in-law topic than most others out there.
Eden Unger Bowditch and Aviva Samet
This book falls somewhere in between the two aforementioned works in that it provides a professional approach without coming across as overly academic. Bowditch and Samet offer plenty of stories that allow for commiseration, but if you are looking for advice or solutions this might not be the one to turn to. Although lacking in ways to confront mother-in-law issues, this book will certainly let you know that you are in good company.
January 13th, 2009Word Count
If your man does not seem eager to express his feelings, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any. It’s possible that he just doesn’t have the means to share them. A link between the center of emotions and speech center are 40% less developed in men than they are in women. This may account for the fact that your man doesn’t have the need to express his every thought. It is said that on average, women pronounce 25000 words a day, while men pronounce only 12000.
It seems women, the very source of their men’s happiness, spend a great deal of time worrying whether their men want to stay in the relationship or are waiting to run at the first chance. These worries originate out of misunderstanding. Women often view their men’s lack of verbal expression as unhappiness or withdrawal and with this unknown comes fear. Women tend to think that not talking about the relationship means that there are problems, but it’s the opposite for men. If they’re not talking about it, it means they’re happy.
Learn to understand your man’s feelings without talking about them. For men, just the word— feelings is an Achilles heal. One mention of the “f-word” and watch conversation come to an end; instead, ask him what he thinks about, what he would do… anything but feelings. Many times its best to take a deep breath, and just observe your man. Men tend to be much more physically expressive. Pay attention to body language and don’t try to pull answers out of him- men will say what’s on their mind, sometimes it just takes a bit longer than women are used to.
And know that when he does say “I Love You” it means that he loves you, and has been thinking about it long before the words leave his mouth.
December 18th, 2008Actions Speak Louder
Women, it’s no secret your men want to know they are loved, but sometimes they just don’t know how to take the compliment of “those three words.” Too many times it seems like men and women are speaking different languages when it comes to I Love You, and the words of frustrated women fall on little more than the sheepish grins of men everywhere. The trick to tapping into your man’s sensitive side is subtlety.
Write an anonymous love letter or leave a note for him to find, keep alive the sense of mystery and excitement. Don’t underestimate the power of a stack of apple walnut pancakes, you know that old refrain about the way to a man’s heart. Above all, be confident, creative, and caring- set aside a little time, give some thought, and your “I Love You” method should come together naturally, and you’ll find that your efforts will fall on more than just a grin.
A Prince Charming or A Charming Prince
As a little girl my mother, in the way that mothers do, read me fairy tales about beautiful princesses who wore dresses of sparkling taffeta and silk. They drank out of teacups trimmed in gold and they rarely took a step, as a great glistening royal carriage was always waiting to carry them away to their desired destination. But even with all of the beautiful dresses and the fancy dinnerware, no princess was ever complete without Prince Charming by her side. Prince Charming stood tall, in a starched red military jacket with gold embossed buttons. His status granted the princess’s every wish as soon as a command left his lips, and despite his pressing schedule of horsemanship and ballroom dancing, he always called her when he said he would.
When I grew older, I began to search for this Prince Charming in city bars, in college classes, and in aisle three of my local supermarket. All I learned was that the closest I could ever hope to get to that afternoon described so fondly in my story book, the one in which Prince Charming sipped tea and played polo in the courtyard with his royal company, is a last minute spread of sourdough pretzels and beer lit by the hopelessly unromantic flicker of Sports Center.
As I get ready to throw in my diamond-laden crown in a gesture of utter defeat and disappointment, I think to myself, what’s so great about this Prince Charming anyway? Think about it, ladies. Sure, he was the king’s son, but did Prince Charming ever once make Cinderella laugh until tears ran down her cheeks and she smudged her prestige-brand mascara? Do we ever read an account of Prince Charming digging through the clearance rack of T.J. Maxx to help his princess find the perfect pair of pumps for a last minute girls’ night out? And when was the last time he pushed back one of his archery lessons in favor of spending an afternoon with his princess watching a Lifetime movie or cooking dinner?
The key to finding the perfect guy is to let go of those certain ideals we learn from our first Disney movie or bedtime story. It’s not necessarily suitors or stepsisters that are the biggest problem, but the standards that we put into place. The Prince may have a lot of money, an impeccable haircut, and an unmistakable surname like Charming, but would you trade your real-life charmer for him? If you are too busy looking for the Prince to notice the guy who still gives you butterflies, smiles and surprises, well then, your happily ever after just isn’t going to happen. So embrace the charmer, even if he isn’t a prince, and stop trying to cram your size-nine foot into a seven-and-a-half glass slipper, because the leopard stilettos that fit look a lot sassier, anyway.