Copyright 2008, Measure Up Place LLC
Mother-In-Law: From Adverse to Advice
If you are struggling with an overbearing mother-in-law or just looking to acknowledge the mother-in-law you that is so dear to your heart— here is a reading list that can serve information for those who are looking to make amends with their mother-inlaw, give a gift in hopes that their mother-in-law will take a hint, or even for a mother-in-law who is looking to avoid becoming “one of those.”
The Daughter-In-Law Rules: 101 Surefire Ways to Manage (and Make Friends with) Your Mother-In-Law
Sally Shields
Do you dread visits with your mother-in-law? Do you find yourself dodging ruthless comments hurled your way at every possible moment? Is battling your mother-in-law a simple fact of life, or is there another way to mitigate the age old conflict between mother and wife? In her hilarious book, author Sally Shields takes honesty, wit, and simple solutions, mixes in humor and practical solutions, and delivers what could be the daughter-in-law’s holy grail.
Deborah M. Merrill
Merrill uses her background as a Sociology professor and her extensive studies on the MIL-DIL relationship to explain the complex and difficult situation the two find themselves in. Dozens of interviews with pairs of women made in-laws by marriage illustrate Merrill’s points, from harmful ideas and actions to helpful approaches. Merrill provides a more intensely researched and academic study study of the in-law topic than most others out there.
Eden Unger Bowditch and Aviva Samet
This book falls somewhere in between the two aforementioned works in that it provides a professional approach without coming across as overly academic. Bowditch and Samet offer plenty of stories that allow for commiseration, but if you are looking for advice or solutions this might not be the one to turn to. Although lacking in ways to confront mother-in-law issues, this book will certainly let you know that you are in good company.
January 27th, 2009Life List
It’s been nearly four weeks since 2009 brought promises and resolutions along with a new calendar. Many of us are already finding ourselves bogged down by work, worries, and winter— the last thing on the mind seems to be keeping that resolution. Perhaps it’s the perfect time to switch gears and think long-term. Pull out a sheet of paper and a pencil… it’s time to make a list. Take a deep breath and a few contemplative minutes, then begin to write. Make note of what comes to mind, What do you want to accomplish? Where would you like to visit? What would you like to see?
This life list could be the start of something great. Whether you would like to climb mountains, navigate rivers, live with locals, or just visit a museum or write a letter to a certain someone, putting it down on paper helps. Take this first step and begin chipping away at your life list with renewed youthful exuberance and vigor.
Need a bit of help getting started?
Take a peek at a couple of other life listers:
John Goddard
At 15 years old John Goddard made a list of 127 goals, now, decades later with 109 of these goals accomplished there is no turning back. He was the first man in history to explore the entire length of the world’s longest river, the Nile, in a 4,160 mile expedition which the Los Angeles Times called “the most amazing adventure of this generation.”
The Smithsonian Life List
Part of a January 2008 article published in Smithsonian magazine, “We are all of us resigned to death: it’s life we aren’t resigned to,” novelist Graham Greene once wrote. A growing number of Americans of all ages are embracing that idea by renewing a resolve to live life to its fullest.
Jill Smolinski’s How-To
Jill Smolinski is an author whose work has appeared in major women’s magazines.
What made it onto your life list?
January 23rd, 2009Recession Session #2: Start At Home
Cutting costs may seem difficult, but with a bit of planning the benefits certainly outweigh the costs.
In the Kitchen
With grocery prices rising nearly as fast as the dollar is falling it may be tough to keep up with the shopping. Spend a bit of time planning your meals and make a shopping list for the week. Shopping for only necessary items can help to cut the cost of the grocery bill. Another simple way to shed overspending is to avoid prepared foods; it doesn’t hurt to prepare more than you intend to use, the freezer will be running whether you are using it or not… so cook big, spend less, and save for later.
On the Road
Your car could be costing you extra money, but don’t get rid of it, just be smart about it and you might discover some hidden savings. Empty your trunk, keep tires properly inflated, and ease into the the gas. Quit punching it and you could find fuel savings of up to 30%. As well, think about taking advantage of the drop in gas prices— downsize your family vacation, while still having a great time. Hit the road with your family.
Under the Couch
According to Coinstar , America could be $10 billion richer ($90 per household) if it simply cashed in all the loose change lying around. That’s right, $10 billion in change sits idle in American households under couch cushions, in jars, on the dresser. Maybe it’s time to cash in that extra change?
What actions have you found useful while try to weather out the recession?
January 21st, 2009Recession Session #1: Be Prepared
It’s here and we have no choice but to weather the storm.
The deep cuts of the American economic crisis are continuing to hemorrhage jobs at an unmatched pace.
A recent U.S. Labor Department jobs report shows the economy lost 524,000 jobs in December and 1.9 million in the year’s final four months following September’s credit crisis. With the unemployment rate climbing toward 10% and the underemployment rate a staggering 13.5% many people are left wondering— how will we survive?
While I cannot offer a solution, I can hope to provide some tools to educate the recession weatherer.
The first step towards ensuring recession safety is preparing yourself. As so many companies are downsizing, the last place you want to find yourself is looking for a job during this growing period of high unemployment rates… but if you do find yourself in such a situation it is important to be prepared.
Update Your Resume
It’s a new year and a good time to update your resume. A current CV is important to have, and takes a bit of stress out of an unexpected and often unwelcome search for a new job. Below you will find some links to help you get organized:
Monster.com Resume Writing Tips
Associated Content : How to Update Your Resume
Career Management Alliance: Update Your Resume
Keep Your Contacts Close
Now might be a good time to put in a call to some of those dusty contacts. Make a list friends and colleagues to call— see how the new year has been treating them so far, play catch-up, say hello. This list should include not only those that may hire you, but also those that can spread the word and keep a look out for job opportunities.These might just be the same contacts you will find yourself turning to should you find yourself in search of a new position. It never hurts to stay in touch.
Acquaint Yourself With Job Resources
In the digital age opportunities don’t always knock, but they are available to those diligent seekers who refuse to wait passively. Depending on your experience and field of work, you may find job opportunities in any number of places. But just as important as knowing what you are looking for is knowing where to find it; here are a few online resources, including some that specialize in 6 figure income jobs.
Monster
Hot Jobs
Job Hunt
Career Builder
Simply Hired
6FigureJobs
TheLadders
There is nothing certain about what the future may hold, but the first step towards a positive outcome is being prepared.
January 20th, 2009I Swear
It was a historic day in America as Barack Obama was sworn in as the 44th president. “On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord. On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas that for far too long have strangled our politics,” Mr. Obama said during his post-oath speech. Unlike the speech four years ago, in which George W. Bush made a promise to spread democracy throughout the world, now President, Obama called upon Americans for their cooperation, their participation, and their support as he laid out his goals of peace.
The challenges that will face President Obama will not wait for him to get comfortable in the White House. On his first full day in office, Mr. Obama will meet with the architect of an Iraq war policy he once opposed, Gen. David Petraeus, to deliver the orders to begin withdrawing combat troops from Iraq. Then Obama must begin to confront the rough road ahead; with the current Israeli actions in Gaza, Iranian nuclear programs, and a domestic economic crisis (to mention only a few) it is unlikely that Mr. Obama will have any time to reflect on his achievement.
Meanwhile, the world waits with collective fingers crossed. Hoping.
Will Obama have what it takes to bring a nation together to rally through these difficult times?
Word Count
If your man does not seem eager to express his feelings, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t have any. It’s possible that he just doesn’t have the means to share them. A link between the center of emotions and speech center are 40% less developed in men than they are in women. This may account for the fact that your man doesn’t have the need to express his every thought. It is said that on average, women pronounce 25000 words a day, while men pronounce only 12000.
It seems women, the very source of their men’s happiness, spend a great deal of time worrying whether their men want to stay in the relationship or are waiting to run at the first chance. These worries originate out of misunderstanding. Women often view their men’s lack of verbal expression as unhappiness or withdrawal and with this unknown comes fear. Women tend to think that not talking about the relationship means that there are problems, but it’s the opposite for men. If they’re not talking about it, it means they’re happy.
Learn to understand your man’s feelings without talking about them. For men, just the word— feelings is an Achilles heal. One mention of the “f-word” and watch conversation come to an end; instead, ask him what he thinks about, what he would do… anything but feelings. Many times its best to take a deep breath, and just observe your man. Men tend to be much more physically expressive. Pay attention to body language and don’t try to pull answers out of him- men will say what’s on their mind, sometimes it just takes a bit longer than women are used to.
And know that when he does say “I Love You” it means that he loves you, and has been thinking about it long before the words leave his mouth.
January 7th, 2009Keep It Subtle
Has your man given himself the gift of a few extra pounds this holiday season? If so, here are a few subtle ways to help him return the unwanted pounds.
Eat More Often: Believe it or not, in eating a handful of light meals a day one can keep both hunger and pounds at bay. The act of preparing and eating a meal burns calories, and with a simple shift in schedule it is easy to speed up the metabolism and give a bit of extra energy. Help him make the change to smaller portions spaced out through the course of the day.
Drink Right: It’s easy to overlook the amount of liquid calories consumed, beer and soda are two sources of excess. Liquids do not little to satisfy appetite and the average beer contains around 150 calories. Keep the sodas off of the grocery list, replacing them with sugarless juices or water with lemon.
Focus: Eating on the run or while watching television often results in mindless overeating. Plan your meals as sit-down occasions at the kitchen table. Not only does it provide some together time, but the attention to the food helps to curb over-doing it.
Spice Things Up: Cut back on butter and salt. Salsas are a great replacement, adding flavor while subtracting calories. Salsa works great with everything from baked potatoes to chicken. On corn, try a bit of cayenne pepper and lime juice. There are plenty of ways to keep things tastefully low fat.
Stay on the Good Foot: Help to keep your man active. Plan a walk through the park, or even bundle up for a romantic winter picnic where the two of you can enjoy some peaceful time while making use of a light meal option. If there are more than a few pounds to shake off, or you just feel like making use of some extra energy go dancing, just another subtle way of helping him shed it while still enjoying yourself.
Do you have you own method for helping him lose the weight without having to send him the message? Or is there a good low-fat recipe you stand by? Share it.
January 2nd, 2009Anatomy of an Office Party Embarrassment
A tornado forms when cold, dry air in the upper atmosphere is met by warm, moist air in the lower. The two combine, creating an unstable and swirling confusion of wind and weather. The cyclonic turn begins slowly enough, but steadily increases in momentum, pulling the funnel tighter and gradually into an out-of-control force of nature. It is that time of year again, the time in which the cold, dry air of the workplace meets the warm, moist air of tinsel covered cubicles and a certain boozy after-work gathering. I attempt to piece together the cyclone-strewn memories of the event and recount the series of events that earns one the office moniker of “Tornado.”
The Setting: It’s a Friday evening, weeks ago the boss decided to answer his own question of, “Who would really want to go out for a party when we can keep people late in the office (the very last place that comes to mind when one thinks enjoyable party) and enjoy the company of booze and co-workers?” I am miserable, I’m in a place where I should be receiving overtime, and I am standing here with a contribution for the gift exchange that I wasted far too many hours of my life trying to find.
Drink One: My co-workers pick at a pepperoni tray and make idle chit-chat; I stand at an awkward distance, torn between counting the fallen cheese cubes and mentally-mapping my escape route. I am approached by one of my co-workers, a disconcertingly short man, balding and bespectacled. “So, how was your week?” he asked. He was a close-talker, his breath was a mix of Holiday Punch and a stale day of answering phones. “Just fine,” I replied, hoping I could end the conversation with a no-frills answer, “Just fine.” My hopes were dashed when I noticed him leaning back in towards me, formulating his follow-up question. “I think I need a refill,” I shook my empty cup and excused myself.
Drinks Two through Four: I spend a bit of time by the “party” table, trying to make the most potent, relaxing cocktails I can. Apparently drinking takes different people in very different directions, because meanwhile, unbeknownst to me, a karaoke machine was being set up. While I’m not ready for my turn as “Office Idol” the fourth drink has loosened me up a bit. I trade cheese-cube counting for socializing. I make small talk with the interns. In my mind I am suave and a seemingly better option than talking to breathy close-talker; In reality, I am probably mildly buzzed and doing a lot of complaining.
Drinks Five through Eight: I continued chatting, keeping up with the interns. As an afterthought these drinks were largely a blur, but the also served to turn what could have just been a mild thunderstorm into a terribly destructive supercell tornado.
Drink Nine: Here’s where things take a sudden turn for the worse. The interns decide they are ready to sings karaoke, they pull me along. They sign up separately, but make sure that I don’t walk away without putting down my name and song choice on the list. Yes, there exists now some sort of historic ledger which marks what is about to happen next. The interns are a bit drunk, but nobody minds a few cute girls singing and giggling; however the office was largely unprepared for my furious rendition of Pour Some Sugar on Me. It was not cute; I could see the close-talker cringe (The last time he had probably heard this song was at a strip club under a differently awkward set of circumstances). At this point inhibition and rational thinking had left together, presumably to go spend an evening together anywhere but here. I then decide that this is the perfect time to respond to an e-mail circulating through the office. Wrong. The next day, I saw my response and with such a heinous jumble of consonants and lack of vowels it was unlikely I could even get away with trying to play my message off as a nearly-forgotten Norwegian dialect I had studied during college.
Drink Ten: I noticed that the boss had brought his wife along to the party, and with ten drinks in me took that to mean that it was an open house. I called up some friends, and as if I was at a college keg party, told them they had to be here. Another co-worker overhearing the conversation, had to rush to my aid and stop me before further embarrassment.
Drink Eleven: Drink eleven was never completely finished, as another co-worker began to sing in what I interpret to be a rally cry for me to dance. All my smoothness slips away, and I begin to show off the all moves I could remember from Breakin’ II: Electric Boogaloo. Which actually, could have impressed a few people, had it not been for the fact that I had completely surrendered all motor skills, and the co-worker was singing a Neil Diamond song. It was the end, there was no calm eye to this storm.
As I was being ushered into a waiting cab someone had so kindly phoned for me, the close-talker leaned in, “You should take the rest of the night off.” I didn’t remember much from the gift exchange, but a glimpse in the taxi’s rearview mirror showed me all I needed to know- around my head was fastened a black and white piano key necktie. I guess everyone at the office figured this tornado liked music.
I hope I am not alone here, I’m looking for commiseration with those of you who did better, worse, or had a visit from your own office tornado during the holiday party. Did your workplace have a party? What stories will you be telling for the next year?
December 18th, 2008Actions Speak Louder
Women, it’s no secret your men want to know they are loved, but sometimes they just don’t know how to take the compliment of “those three words.” Too many times it seems like men and women are speaking different languages when it comes to I Love You, and the words of frustrated women fall on little more than the sheepish grins of men everywhere. The trick to tapping into your man’s sensitive side is subtlety.
Write an anonymous love letter or leave a note for him to find, keep alive the sense of mystery and excitement. Don’t underestimate the power of a stack of apple walnut pancakes, you know that old refrain about the way to a man’s heart. Above all, be confident, creative, and caring- set aside a little time, give some thought, and your “I Love You” method should come together naturally, and you’ll find that your efforts will fall on more than just a grin.
Filing the Cabinet
President-elect Barack Obama’s Cabinet is taking shape and Americans are looking on, hoping to gain a greater sense of what 2009 will promise. As always, appointments come with criticism and Obama’s choices are no exceptions. With progressive critics already scorning “betrayal” and many Republicans on the fence about Obama’s decision to grab so many sitting officeholders for Cabinet positions, the current news is a flurry of speculation.
Here are a few of the current Cabinet appointees:
TREASURY SECRETARY
Timothy Geithner, president of Federal Reserve Bank of New York.
A former member of the Group of Thirty, Geithner will success Henry Paulson and will face a uniquely difficult period in American finance.
SECRETARY OF STATE
Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, D-N.Y.
The appointment Clinton brings with a bit of White House wisdom and the chance to heal any remaining divides within the Democratic Party carried over from the primaries.
ATTORNEY GENERAL
Eric Holder, former deputy attorney general.
Holder has experience, filling his old shoes from the Clinton presidency, but the GOP seems a bit weary of this appointee, recalling his support for the rather infamous Mark Rich (of Clinton pardon fame).
DEFENSE SECRETARY
Robert Gates, holdover from Bush administration.
Gates has already mentioned his plan to close down Guantanamo Detention Center and has been briefing Obama recently regarding Iraq drawdown plans, and it looks as though he will be confirmed again with bipartisan support.
The is no crystal ball for Americans watching their future take shape, only questions and speculations.
Is the president-elect, in fact, a “Clintonian copy”? (to borrow a term from Jack Rothman) Will Obama live up to his call for ‘Change’?